California Man Sentenced To 20 Years For Possession Of Crazy Straw, from The Babylon Bee

LOS ANGELES, CA—El Segundo man Barry Walker wept bitterly in court today after a judge sentenced him to 20 years in state prison for possession of a crazy straw.

Walker was arrested in January after police pulled him over, searched his car, and found a supply of crazy straws in his glove compartment. After administering their customary beating, the LAPD arrested him and brought him in, where he was charged with Illegal Possession of a Controlled Crazy Straw, in violation of new California law.

“The suspect had a loaded, unsecured crazy straw in his car, one with a lot of little loopies and everything,” the arresting officer had told reporters back in January. “When he couldn’t produce a valid CCW, we realized we were dealing with a dangerous madman.”

The California court system fast-tracks significant crazy straw prosecution cases over “less significant” criminal cases like murder or rape, and so Walker was convicted in under a month.

“We hope Mr. Walker’s strict sentencing today serves as a warning to criminals: the state of California does not take crazy straw possession lightly. Please, if you know a loved one who still has an unregistered crazy straw—sometimes known on the street as ‘silly straws’ or ‘loop de doos’—turn them in.”

“If you see something, say something,” he added.

https://www.theburningplatform.com/2019/03/14/california-man-sentenced-to-20-years-for-possession-of-crazy-straw/

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