From The Babylon Bee:
WASHINGTON, DC—In a landmark 5-4 decision led by alleged dogmatic constitutional extremist Amy Coney Barrett, the Supreme Court has decided the First Amendment can stay.
In her written opinion, which she wrote in 3 minutes without consulting any notes, ACB said: “Yeah… so, the First Amendment includes freedom of religion and assembly. I asked my clerks to see whether there was a ‘virus clause’ somewhere in there and they didn’t find any. I’m just a Supreme Court Justice and I’m not allowed to remove amendments, so yeah — the First Amendment stays. Sorry, guys.”
In his dissenting opinion, Justice Roberts said, “Someone help me. Decisions are scary. I’m not anti-science! Am I doing this right? Please love me!”