From The Babylon Bee (is this truth or parody?):
WASHINGTON D.C.—A big question on everyone’s mind is when they will finally be able to stop wearing masks. President Joe Biden recently clarified this issue, saying people will be able to stop wearing masks as soon as absolutely everyone “has learned complete obedience to the government.”
Biden further explained that removing mask mandates has nothing to do with how many people are vaccinated or anything else scientific or rational. “This is about demonstrating that you will do whatever we say whenever we say it,” Biden said. “When people are still talking about ‘liberty,’ then you’re just not ready. When the Constitution is in ashes, then you have my permission to die… to take off your mask, I mean.”
Some reporters tried to ask questions, but this only further angered Biden, as he had told them there would be no questions, and those reporters were forced to double-mask as penance.