Brittney Griner Rewarded With 9 Years Of Not Hearing The U.S. National Anthem

From The Babylon Bee

Article Image

MOSCOW — WNBA star Brittney Griner has been found guilty of drug trafficking charges in Russia. The judge has sentenced Griner to 9 years in a Russian penal colony where she will never have to hear America’s national anthem being played.

“I’m thrilled with this ruling,” said Griner to reporters. “For 9 years I will be free from the systemic racism of America and will never have to hear that awful national anthem being played. I look forward to living out the next decade far away in beautiful Russia.”

Sources close to Griner say she is also thrilled that she got the exact same sentence a man would have gotten for the exact same crime. “In Russia, they really seem to care about closing the sentencing gap between men and women,” she said.

Russian authorities say Griner will be given special tasks around the penal colony, such as reaching things on high shelves, pruning the tops of trees, and breaking large rocks into little rocks.

“I just want to say thank you to Vladimir Putin for saving me from the racist hellhole that is the United States, if only for 9 years,” said Griner.

At publishing time, President Biden proposed bringing Griner back home by exchanging her for Hunter Biden.

https://babylonbee.com/news/brittney-griner-rewarded-with-9-years-of-not-hearing-the-us-national-anthem

One response to “Brittney Griner Rewarded With 9 Years Of Not Hearing The U.S. National Anthem

  1. i am sure she will be glad to be away from the racist/oppressive u. s., so she should enjoy her stay.

    it is too bad her special status as a BLACK WOMAN, relieved of the requirement to adhere to laws written for all with no consequence to ignoring those laws, does not apply in Russia.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.