My Christmas Letter, by Charles Hugh Smith

A little holiday humor from Charles Hugh Smith at oftwominds:

As I said, having a sense of humor will get you in trouble nowadays, and this whole thing would be funny if I wasn’t in leg-irons.

Dear friends and family:

I’m writing this Christmas missive while my court-appointed lawyer trades cryptocurrencies on his phone. He was recently laid off by an investment bank and since he’s never been in court and has zero criminal justice experience, I expect my future missives will be postmarked Alligator Alcatraz.

I’m in a bit of a pickle at the moment, as I was arrested near the Canadian border while attempting to beat the high tariff fees by sneaking a load of lumber across the border via an old logging road. Apparently a drone spotted me. Since it was still dark, maybe they have infrared cameras on the drones now, who knows.

I might have skated through that bust except they ran some kind of scan on me and concluded I was a domestic terrorist. I know having a sense of humor will get you in trouble nowadays, but does my “Yoda for President” bumper sticker make me a terrorist?

They seemed to take an uncommon interest in the Grateful Dead logo on my rear window, and since the Dead have fallen out of the culture’s meme-scape, maybe they reckoned that was some secret membership sign or something.

I guess I didn’t do myself any favors when the interrogation started, because after a while I said, “If I had a wooden leg, would that make me a table?”

Apparently my lack of online activity raised a red flag, and my explanation that I’d been banned from every Big Tech platform only stoked their suspicion. I always joked that I should watch more videos of puppies and kittens to blend in some, and I guess that’s not far off the mark. If I’d viewed more videos of puppies and kittens, I might be a free man right now instead of a suspected terrorist heading for Alligator Alcatraz.

Continue reading