WASHINGTON, D.C.—Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi announced Friday that anyone visiting or working at the Capitol will be arrested on sight if they do not wear pool floaties in case a flash flood hits the building.
“Good morning, Friday morning,” Pelosi said to reporters gathered in their swim floaties, pool rings, snorkels, and life jackets. “We will continue to abide by health experts’ guidelines at the Capitol. If you care about your fellow humans, you will wear the swim floaties. If you don’t, you want your grandmother to die. And that’s not very Christian. I would know. I’m a great Catholic.”
“We are doing this for your safety,” she added.
She went on to say that although she had previously encouraged people to get swim lessons so they would not need to wear the floaties, she is reversing that decision due to the new “delta variant” of water which comes with an additional 0.0007% chance of drowning.
Senator Ted Cruz announced that he would not be wearing the floaties. He promptly drowned in a fountain.
Everyone knows the 2020 election was literally the most secure and fair presidential election—like, ever. But we know there are still a few skeptics out there. Here at the Bee, our number one mission is to prevent the spread of misinformation and make sure everyone still has faith in our democracy.
To help convince you, here is the undeniable evidence the election was fair:
1. Literally everyone says so: Duh. The 2020 election couldn’t have been rigged because all the people who are cool and smart and not weird say so. Do you want to look like a weirdo? Ew.
2. Journalists were fair and balanced in assessing the qualities of moderate, kind, decent Joe Biden, and of his opponent Hitler: Thank God for the press! They really made sure to give a fair and honest assessment of the most popular and wonderful president ever and the evil orange monster who wanted to kill democracy and take away all our norms and stuff. Great job, journalists!
3. Mail-in votes were handled by USPS—the most reliable, trustworthy company on the planet: The post office almost never screws up, loses, or delays US mail. It’s quite amazing, really.
4. Vote counters in Philadelphia and Detroit spent many years practicing how to count before election night: Some of them since kindergarten! The election was truly in good hands.
5. The Democrats have never done anything wrong, ever: Not ever.
6. Posters and barricades were held up to block people from seeing the unprecedented, blinding levels of vote counting fairness: Poll watchers showed up, but their eyeballs would have been burned out by the awe-inspiring amount of vote counting integrity. Many lives saved!
7. Absolutely nobody was threatened behind a poolhouse by a chain-wielding Biden: Biden is a fine, upstanding man of integrity and would never do something like that.
8. New York didn’t just accidentally count 138,000 ballots, a bizarrely familiar number: Science has clearly shown that voter fraud is completely impossible and would never happen here, especially in New York City where they’re really good at elections.
9. The election turned out exactly how your late great, great grandfather would have wanted: This was verified by his vote in the 2020 election.
10. The Democrat candidate won, which is perhaps the most important sign of a fair and impartial election: The evil, fascist dictator was voted out of office. Anything that was done to achieve this was fair, right?
We hope you have seen the light. Now shut up about the election you insurrectionist!
NOT SATIRE: A Party Game of Theft. It all comes down to the Swing States. This is where the election is determined and where the battle lines are drawn. You can play either as the Incumbent President, or you can play as a Swing State that has decided they are going to tilt the election in favor of the Challenger through a carefully orchestrated series of cheats before, during, and after Election Day. It’s all against one. Hasn’t it always been? Relax. It’s just a board game.
Conflict of interest is nowhere near a strong enough term for a situation in which WHO is basically bought lock, stock, and barrel by interests dead set against Ivermectin. From Andrew Bannister at trialsitenews.com:
All dangerous diseases are best treated early. A major failure of the global COVID-19 strategy has been to wait a week for the disease to become dangerous, when breathing becomes a problem. Early treatment of COVID, even for those with mild symptoms, prevents later hospitalization. There are several early treatment drugs showing promise but ivermectin leads the pack regarding safety, effectiveness and price. Unfortunately, the biggest players in Western mainstream media are members of the Trusted News Initiative (TNI). The TNI is a story for another day but it’s remarkable that big media companies barely report that they have agreed to promote global vaccination and to make sure any “disinformation myths are stopped in their tracks”[i]. Unfortunately, as a result early treatment seems to be seen as a disinformation myth and is not mentioned. Early treatment is vital in treating serious diseases and COVID-19 is no exception.
Considering the human and economic cost, the avoidance of early treatment with a very safe, effective and off-patent drug is a criminal tragedy of immense proportions and a winning lottery ticket for some pharmaceutical companies that are designing and selling novel patented drugs that could not compete with ivermectin in a free market. Mercks’ molnupiravir, for instance, is seeking an Emergency Use Authorization (EUA) from the FDA and “Merck will receive approximately $1.2 billion to supply approximately 1.7 million courses of molnupiravir to the United States government.”[ii]
Ivermectin doesn’t need an EUA because it passed trials in 1986. It just needs to be recommended to treat COVID-19. However, if ivermectin was officially recognized as an effective treatment, it would legally prevent molnupiravir’s EUA until it passes trials and thus delay or endanger the $1.2 billion deal. An aggravating factor is the fact that molnupiravir (EIDD-2801) could cause harmful genetic mutations. [iii]
This is the most comprehensive and fair-minded review of the Biden-Putin meeting we’ve seen. From Israel Shamir at unz.com:
The Geneva rendezvous of two presidents remains an enigma. Why did they meet at all? They agreed that nuclear war is bad for all; fine! Didn’t they know that? Did they check on their partner’s soul, did they look into the eyes? Now we have some answers, based on conversations with my Israeli friends who had the advantage of hearing both sides, the Russians and the Americans. Our loyal readers deserve to know what actually happened in Geneva.
In brief: Biden came to tell Putin that the US is in good shape, has recovered from the pandemic, its economy is better than the Chinese one, and that he is in charge. The meeting was quite peaceful; Biden was rather mellow, while Secretary of State Blinken was in attack mode; he argued with his own president and tried to boss him about. The Russians were prepared for worse, much worse. They thought that the meetings of Biden with the G7 and with NATO would lead to a crescendo in Geneva, and were relieved to learn that this meeting was not a presentation of a united Western position towards Russia.
If the states are supposed to be laboratories of democracies, then liberal state experiments are proving to be massive failures, and Oregon is the bottom of the heap. From Brandon Smith at alt-market.com:
What kind of abysmal social and economic conditions would make at least five separate counties of US voters want to flee a state to join the borders of another state? Well, all it takes is a cult of insane Marxists running the entire state into the ground from the safety of their metropolitan communes while demanding that people submit their undying fealty to the draconian medical mandates of an elitist minority. Yeah, things have to get pretty bad to inspire so many people into leaving and taking half the state with them.
Welcome to Oregon…
I used to live right across the state border from Portland, Oregon through the 1990s, and while the place was always considered a bit of a haven for washout hippies, reject grunge bands and limp-wristed wine sipping progressives, there wasn’t enough of them to take the place over completely and the city was still relatively clean and well kept and peaceful. You rarely heard of crime, poverty or unrest; those were problems reserved for places like California.
I can’t recall any moment during that time when people said they felt “unsafe” in Portland, or when they were desperate to leave Oregon for greener pastures. It used to be a decent place to build a life. A lot has changed since then.
Before really big, super-duper market and economic cataclysms, there are always perceptive observers who see the crash coming. From Charles Hugh Smith at oftwominds.com:
If you wanted to design a system guaranteed to collapse in a putrid heap, you’d make moral hazard ubiquitous and you’d make the system 100% dependent on a hubris-soaked faux savior.
For the past 22 years, every time the stock market whimpered, wheezed or whined, the Federal Reserve rushed to soothe the spoiled crybaby. There are two consequential results of the Fed as savior:
1. The Fed has perfected moral hazard: everyone from the money manager betting billions to the punters gambling their stimmy money is absolutely confident I can’t lose because the Fed will always push the market higher.
What happens when participants are confident they can’t possibly lose? They make ever-riskier and ever-larger bets. The entire nation is in the grip of a moral hazard mania, all based on the confidence that the Fed will always push every market higher–always, without fail.
2. Organic (i.e. non-manipulated) market forces have been extinguished. There is now only one consequential force, the Fed. All markets are now 100% dependent on the Fed responding to every bleat from every punter who’s recklessly risky bet is about to go bad.
The Fed is now the perfect union of quasi-religious savior and Helicopter Parent: oh dear, our little darling got high and crashed the Porsche? Quick, let’s save our precious market from any consequences!
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