Report: Internet Users Who Call For Attacking Other Countries Will Now Be Enlisted In The Military Automatically, from The Babylon Bee

U.S.—A new policy issued by the United States Department of Defense, in conjunction with online platforms like Twitter and Facebook, will automatically enlist you to fight in a foreign war if you post your support for attacking another country.

People who bravely post about how the U.S. needs to invade some country in the Middle East or Asia or outer space will get a pop-up notice indicating they’ve been enlisted in the military. A recruiter will then show up at their house and whisk them away to fight in the foreign war they wanted to happen so badly.

“Frankly, recruitment numbers are down, and we needed some way to find people who are really enthusiastic about fighting wars,” said a DOD official. “Then it hit us like a drone strike: there are plenty of people who argue vehemently for foreign intervention. It doesn’t matter what war we’re trying to create: Syria, Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, North Korea, China—these people are always reliable supporters of any invasion abroad. So why not get them there on the frontlines?”

“After all, we want people who are passionate about occupying foreign lands, not grunts who are just there for the paycheck,” he added.

Strangely, as soon as the policy was implemented, 99% of saber-rattling suddenly ceased.

https://babylonbee.com/news/people-who-tweet-in-support-of-foreign-wars-to-be-automatically-enlisted-in-armed-forces

Advertisements

One response to “Report: Internet Users Who Call For Attacking Other Countries Will Now Be Enlisted In The Military Automatically, from The Babylon Bee

  1. Now that’s breaking news! Ha ha ha, one day…one day!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.