Category Archives: Humor

Congressional Grandstanding, by John Stossel

A lot of congress critters aren’t very bright…but you knew that. From John Stossel at townhall.com:

Congressional hearings were created to educate lawmakers so they have knowledge before they pass bills or impeach a president.

Not today. Today, hardly any education happens.

During the President Trump impeachment “testimony,” legislators tried to score points. At least five times, Rep. Adam Schiff, D-Calif., shut down criticism by shouting, “Gentleman is not recognized!”

I get that politicians are eager for “face time” in front of a larger audience, but I assumed they would at least try to learn things. Nope.

Maybe they don’t want to ask real questions because they fear looking as dumb as then-Sen. Orrin Hatch, R-Utah, did at a hearing on Facebook. He asked Mark Zuckerberg, “How do you sustain a business model in which users don’t pay for your service?”

“We run ads,” smirked Zuckerberg. “I see,” said Hatch.

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Glacier National Park Quietly Removes Its ‘Gone by 2020’ Signs, by Roger I. Roots

Yet another global warming prediction bites the dust. From Anthony Watts at wattsupwiththat.com:

Montana Glacier National Park Mountains Cracker Lake

Glaciers Appear to be Growing, not Melting in Recent Years

May 30, 2019. St. Mary, Montana. Officials at Glacier National Park (GNP) have begun quietly removing and altering signs and government literature which told visitors that the Park’s glaciers were all expected to disappear by either 2020 or 2030.

In recent years the National Park Service prominently featured brochures, signs and films which boldly proclaimed that all glaciers at GNP were melting away rapidly. But now officials at GNP seem to be scrambling to hide or replace their previous hysterical claims while avoiding any notice to the public that the claims were inaccurate. Teams from Lysander Spooner University visiting the Park each September have noted that GNP’s most famous glaciers such as the Grinnell Glacier and the Jackson Glacier appear to have been growing—not shrinking—since about 2010. (The Jackson Glacier—easily seen from the Going-To-The-Sun Highway—may have grown as much as 25% or more over the past decade.)

The centerpiece of the visitor center at St. Mary near the east boundary is a large three-dimensional diorama showing lights going out as the glaciers disappear. Visitors press a button to see the diorama lit up like a Christmas tree in 1850, then showing fewer and fewer lights until the diorama goes completely dark. As recently as September 2018 the diorama displayed a sign saying GNP’s glaciers were expected to disappear completely by 2020.

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Sanctuary Cities Jeopardy! by Dave Walden

SLL reader and good friend Dave Walden’s humorous take on the Virginia Sanctuary Cities situation, sent via email.

Welcome to Jeopardy! I’m your host, Alex Trebek!
 
Today’s guest – of but relatively modest success is, Dave Walden.
 
So, Dave, where do you reside? Just outside the “Overton Window,” Alex. How long have you called that “home,” Dave? Pretty much my entire life, Alex.
 
What has been your track record during your residence there, Dave? Well. Alex, I have been as right as I have been wrong – but I am rarely in doubt!
 
Well, Dave, we’ll see how you shall perform today. Let’s begin!
 
Thank you, Alex, I’ll take Virginia’s “2nd Amendment Sanctuary Cities” for all the marbles:
 
Your question, Dave, for the entire amount, is: Will the Governor of Virginia sign Virginia’s Senate Bill #16, or not?
 
Friends: If you have not read said Bill, it means business! It will ban and punish, directly and indirectly, much having to do with the ownership of firearms in Virginia. In response, so-called “2nd amendment Sanctuary City” resolutions are being affirmed throughout Virginia, together with an impressively-large number of sheriffs indicating they will not enforce provisions of the proposed law. The Governor of Virginia faces, therefore, a decision of potentially profound consequences. (NOTE: These 2nd Amendment Sanctuary City resolutions are poppping up across the countery with, for example, 67 of 102 Illinois countires passing similar ones.)
 
Potentially profound because, should he sign said Bill, between the time he does so and when its inescapable Constitutional challenge might reach the Supreme Court, a lower-court “stay” of its enforcement had better be immediately forthcoming. Why? My reading of American history contains two, at least potentially, relevant examples for the Governor.
 
Though violence had sporadically broken out in Kansas and Missouri, fueled by activists such as John Brown, the Civil War did not actually begin until South Carolina’s Governor and secessionists decided they would seize the cannons, powder, and armaments housed at Ft. Sumpter. When they attempted and suceeded in doing so, Lincoln and the “North” had no remaining options but to act.
 
Earlier, our Revolutionary War did not begin with the penning by Jefferson of his unprecedented and profound Declaration of 1776, but had begun over a year earlier. It began when the British Governor of Boston “ordered” the guns and munitions stored in the armory at Concord to be seized, as well as to arrest Hancock and Adams – should they be found. April 19, 1775 (my birthday!), Lexington, Concord, and the actual fighting that marked the beginning of the Revolutionary War, was the immediate result.
 
So, Governor Ralph “blackface” Northam, owing to the naked hypocrisy of your Party’s Virginia leadership, your tenure as Governor was previously “saved.” Should you sign said Bill however, you best hope the courts again “save” you – and perhaps, all Virginians as well……
 
“What is, Alex, that the Governor will not sign said Bill – at least not as it presently reads – it will either be amended or rejected, such, that it does not set the stage for what its passage may eventually portend?”
 
At least, Alex, in a rare moment of “doubt,” that is my hope…………

It only costs about 20 grand to get away with murder, by Simon Black

Simon Black’s weekly collation of government-related absurdities, from sovereignman.com:

Are you ready for this week’s absurdity? Here’s our Friday roll-up of the most ridiculous stories from around the world that are threats to your liberty, your finances, and your prosperity.

Kentucky Governor Pardons Murderer after family’s fundraiser

Kentucky Governor Matt Bevin lost reelection in November.

But the governor still had some campaign debt to retire. And it’s not easy to convince people to donate to a campaign that already lost.

Still, one family managed to raise over $20,000 for the governor at a fundraiser they held for him after he lost the election, but before he left office.

Why would they do this? Perhaps it is related to the fact that a few weeks later, Governor Bevin pardoned the fundraiser’s brother– a convicted murderer.

The brother was serving a 19 year sentence for dressing as a cop, invading a man’s home, and shooting him to death.

Believe it or not, that wasn’t the only questionable– to say the least– pardon of the 428 issued by the governor since he lost reelection.

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Millions Of Voices Cry Out In Terror As Liberals Wake Up And Realize Trump Is Still President, from The Babylon Bee

U.S.—An echo was heard across the land this morning from sea to shining sea as progressives woke up after celebrating Impeachment Day and learned that Trump is still the president.

High off their impeachment victory, liberals went to bed safe and secure in the knowledge that Trump was defeated, his evil vanquished from the land at last. But when they woke up, they realized that Trump was still the president of the country.

“I thought impeachment would instantly erase Trump from existence,” said Pane Wyndough, a Portland antifa organizer. “Apparently, that’s not how it works. Not only were the Founding Fathers racists, but they also planned the impeachment process specifically so that Trump would stay in office. They are complicit in his hate.”

“It was as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror,” said Bill Pachinski, a farmer in Iowa. “I woke up to get started on a day’s work. The rooster crowed. And then I heard a horrifying screeching sound creeping over the land, growing in volume. It started on the East Coast and slowly spread toward the West, with the loudest cries coming from New York and California.”

The voices were suddenly silenced as Trump blew them all up with the Space Force’s Death Star. While this does seem to be an impeachable offense, there’s no one left to impeach him — a true 4D chess masterstroke.

https://babylonbee.com/news/millions-of-voices-cry-out-in-terror-after-waking-up-and-realizing-trump-is-still-president

Santa Claus Accused Of Quid Pro Quo For Giving Children Gifts In Exchange For Good Behavior, from The Babylon Bee

U.S.—Legislators have begun to hold hearings on impeaching Santa Claus after an overheard conversation seemed to imply he was offering a quid pro quo: gifts in exchange for good behavior.

FBI agents spied on Claus at various malls as he repeatedly said things like, “Sure, I’ll get you a pony. But first, I need you to do something for me… be a good little boy!” The FBI was able to obtain a FISA warrant to spy on Claus, because it’s easier to get a FISA warrant than to get a Costco membership.

“Ho ho noooooo!” Santa Claus cried as investigators leaped out and cuffed him at a Dayton, OH mall. “Not good! Sad!”

“It was a perfect conversation,” Claus said, defending himself in a series of fiery tweets. “Absolutely perfect. I was simply talking to little Billy and asked him to keep tabs on his sister, Sally, who has been involved in some corruption. Who doesn’t want to stop corruption? Did I offer Billy a new Nintendo Switch in exchange for his good behavior? Possibly. Am I planning on giving Sally coal because she’s a little punk? Maybe. Where’s my lawyer?”

Unfortunately, he was assigned a public defender, who turned out to be Rudy Giuliani.

https://babylonbee.com/news/ho-ho-no-santa-claus-accused-of-quid-pro-quo-after-giving-children-gifts-in-exchange-for-good-behavior

San Francisco spends almost $30 per flush for public toilets, by Simon Black

It’s time for Simon Black’s weekly tabulation of the absurd. From Black at sovereignman.com:

Are you ready for this week’s absurdity? Here’s our Friday roll-up of the most ridiculous stories from around the world that are threats to your liberty, your finances, and your prosperity.

British school controls where children eat and shop after school

Imagine a man in a high visibility jacket comes into your take-out restaurant, and starts berating your customers, telling them to leave, and threatening them if they don’t.

That is what business owners in Bristol, England are dealing with. The man in the official looking high-viz reflective vest was a teacher, and the customers were students.

It is school policy to restrict what shops and restaurants students can patronize on their way home from school, by sending teachers out to patrol the streets.

Students who disobey the rule are punished with detention, even though this happens outside of school hours and off school property.

The business owner had to call the police to get the teacher to leave, and stop blocking the doorway to his shop (which prevented customers from entering).

He says it has cut down on his business significantly, including intimidating other customers besides the school children.

When the man spoke to the school Superintendent, he was treated to a lecture about how his food is unhealthy, and should not be available to students.

Click here to read the full story.

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