Category Archives: Humor

He Said That? 4/27/17

From Pater Tenebrarum at acting-man.com, a brilliant compendium of brilliant quotations from the brilliant candidate for the French presidency, the brilliant Emmanuel Macron:

Macron at a feminism conference: “The identity is “A” equals “A”. There exist at least “A’s” and “B’s”. I didn’t want that “A” equals “B”.”

Macron during an interview: “You don’t want to live in a box, do you? I don’t. And so, our life always happens “at the same time”, it is more complex than what we want to reduce it to.”

Macron writing in “Le Journal du Dimanche”: “I have always accepted the vertical dimension, the transcendence, but at the same time, it has to be fully anchored in the immanent, in the material.”

Macron delivering a speech: “I, my life, my memories, they are made of childhood memories of my grandmother and that professor of philosophy, whom I have never seen…  and yet, I have the feeling I know his face.”

Another Macron interview: “What constitutes the French spirit is a constant aspiration to the universal, that is, this tension between what has been and the part of identity… this strict ipseity, and the aspiration to a universal, that is to say, that which escapes us.” [ed. note: “ipseity” = “selfhood” – a term to be found – no kidding – in the “Dictionary of  Untranslatables”;  apparently French deconstructionist philosopher Jaques Derrida used the term ‘ipséité’ frequently in his writings. We incidentally also have to thank Derrida for books like “Specters of Marx” and sayings like “To pretend, I actually do the thing: I have therefore only pretended to pretend. And lastly, from another interview comes what we would at this stage call Macron’s piece de résistance… something for true connoisseurs, the high point – so to speak the Mount Everest of his pseudo-philosophizing and improbable reasoning. Just a few sentences of oddly poetic nonsense, declaimed with such moving sincerity one sits spellbound as the  magniloquent imagery unfolds – until either the last sentence, or… We made the terrible mistake of watching the facial expression of the TV presenter, who listened to it live when it premiered and managed to preserve a deadpan, slightly bemused expression throughout, with a degree of self-control worthy of a Shaolin warrior monk. We probably sprained something in the process (the septum transversum? If Macron were in the US, we could sue him now).  So here goes, Macron has the word:

We all have our roots. And because we are all deeply rooted, there are trees next to us… there are rivers, there are fish… There are brothers and sisters…”

The French, needless to say, will be lucky to have this guy as president.

http://www.acting-man.com/?p=49227

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I Am a Victim of Your Hateful Hate Crimes, You Hate-Criminals, by Kurt Schlichter

This is a clever article by Kurt Schlichter on a guest post at theburningplatform.com:

I Am a Victim of Your Hateful Hate Crimes, You Hate-Criminals

As a person of absolutely no color who embodies an intersectional reality that includes my utter lack of genderfluidity and my unemployment-questioning, differently-veteraned, and non-pagan experiences, I am totally oppressed by progressivism’s hegemonic power structure. I am also the victim of a systemic system of hostile paradigms that denies my truth regarding my phallo-possessory identity.

My struggle is real, and my male-identifying genitalia will no longer be silent!

I bear a heavy burden in the form of my pasty, easily-sunburned skin. For too long, the fact that a previous Schlichter was booted out of Stuttgart in 1750 has meant that I have been subject to the hateful discourse of unabashed Fritzophobes. And that’s when society hasn’t stolen my Teutonic legacy outright. You are culturally appropriating my cold, emotionless people’s heritage every time you are punctual and efficient.

The same is true regarding my Scot ancestry. You shamelessly pillage the cultural treasures of the folk of the moors whenever you speak unintelligibly, or refuse to spend freely and without restraint. Enough of your condescending Braveheartism.

My kilt, my choice.

Even in my own home, I am oppressed. I live under a tyrannical framework of Cubano-supremacy. I am constantly reminded of my minority status as the only non-Latino in the family whenever I am prepared to leave on time while everyone else is still getting ready, whenever I am belittled for my love of mayonnaise, and whenever I am forbidden to dance in public.

“Intersectionality” means that I have lots of complaints about various stuff that I am, and I’m just getting started.

To continue reading: I Am a Victim of Your Hateful Hate Crimes, You Hate-Criminals

They Said That? 4/18/17

From the Simpsons:

Unmasked, by Branco

https://www.theburningplatform.com/2017/04/05/unmasked/

Do We Really Want War With Russia? from The Lonely Libertarian

https://www.theburningplatform.com/2017/04/04/do-we-really-want-war-with-russia/

Humor: Medicare Part G?

From zerohedge.com, source unknown:

Given today’s vote fiasco, this seemed highly appropriate…

If you are an older senior citizen and can no longer take care of yourself and need Long-Term Care, but the government says there is no Nursing Home care available for you, what do you do?

You may opt for Medicare Part G.

The plan gives anyone 75 or older a gun (Part G) and one bullet.
You may then shoot one worthless politician.
This means you will be sent to prison for the rest of your life where you will receive three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating and air conditioning, cable TV, a library, and all the health care you need.
Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That’s great. Need a hearing aid, new hip, knees, kidney, lungs, sex change, or heart? They are all covered!
As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you at least as often as they do now!

And, who will be paying for all of this? The same government that just told you they can’t afford for you to go into a nursing home. And you will get rid of a useless politician while you are at it.

And now, because you are a prisoner, you don’t have to pay any more income taxes!

Is this a great country or what?

Now that you have solved your senior Long-Term Care problem, enjoy the rest of your week!

The Muslim Travel Ban Explained, from Zero Hedge

http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2017-03-16/muslim-travel-ban-explained-1-simple-cartoon