Father’s Day is in just two days, which means you probably still haven’t bought your dad anything. Luckily, The Babylon Bee comes flying in to rescue you like Superman in one of the Christopher Reeve films (not all dark and broody and killy like the Snyder movies). Here are 10 great gift ideas for dad:
1. A coupon redeemable for one sensible chuckle at his jokes. For the shopper on a budget. The only thing it costs you is your dignity.
2. Lockable thermostat case. His eyes will tear up with joy when he sees this bad boy.
3. Fully automatic duct tape assault rifle. Can repair over 350 common household problems a minute.
4. Bacon-wrapped bacon. For the truly special father.
5. A child who can hold a flashlight correctly. Get him the best gift of all: a new kid who can hold his flashlight at the right angle while he’s trying to fix something.
6. A light switch that shouts at people who leave the room without turning it off. This innovative new product will save both electricity and dad’s voice.
7. High-capacity cargo shorts. If they can’t carry a full set of power tools and a twelve-pack of Mountain Dew, why even bother?
8. Sandals with built-in white socks. Saves time, looks fashionable.
9. A giant fanny pack to hold all his other fanny packs. Goes great with his sandal-socks and cargo shorts.
10. The best gift of all: a Babylon Bee subscription. Oh no! Did you just read this whole article only to find out that it’s a trick to get you to subscribe to the Bee? Well, actually, we just ran out of ideas after nine. But, you know, if your gift hunt gets desperate enough…