From the Babylon Bee:
U.S.—A new study has found that far more Americans would trust Dr Pepper than Dr. Fauci.
While Dr. Fauci has made some questionable claims over the past few months, Dr Pepper hasn’t made any erroneous predictions about the virus or recommendations when it comes to masks and other protective measures. So the soft drink has rocketed up the charts as the most-trusted medical professional in America.
“Dr Pepper has 23 delicious flavors that combine into a cool, refreshing taste that’s just right,” said Texan man Greg Bolar. “Dr. Fauci has none of these things. He can’t even give you diabetes, for crying out loud.”
“Dr Pepper has never let me down.” He then cracked open a cold, thirst-quenching Dr Pepper and chugged it in one gulp. “Ahh — that’s good stuff — and it has none of that nasty deep state aftertaste left by competing brands like Dr. Fauci.”
Americans also prefer Dr. Thunder, Mr. Pibb, and Dr. A+ over the medical advice dispensed by Dr. Fauci, according to the study.
This article was brought to you by Dr Pepper.