In Dangerous Decision, SCOTUS Rules First Amendment Can Stay

From The Babylon Bee:

WASHINGTON, DC—In a landmark 5-4 decision led by alleged dogmatic constitutional extremist Amy Coney Barrett, the Supreme Court has decided the First Amendment can stay.

“This blatantly anti-science decision will kill trillions of people,” said CNN reporter Dan Bernapinkle. “We here at CNN tried to warn you that Trump’s SCOTUS nominees would usher in a dark age of wanton freedom in direct violation of Science’s wishes, but no one heard our warnings because the airports were closed due to COVID.”

In her written opinion, which she wrote in 3 minutes without consulting any notes, ACB said: “Yeah… so, the First Amendment includes freedom of religion and assembly. I asked my clerks to see whether there was a ‘virus clause’ somewhere in there and they didn’t find any. I’m just a Supreme Court Justice and I’m not allowed to remove amendments, so yeah — the First Amendment stays. Sorry, guys.”

In his dissenting opinion, Justice Roberts said, “Someone help me. Decisions are scary. I’m not anti-science! Am I doing this right? Please love me!”

https://babylonbee.com/news/in-dangerous-decision-scotus-rules-first-amendment-can-stay

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.