From The Babylon Bee:
PAWTUCKET, RI—Hasbro announced today an exciting new playset for kids and little innocent babies: “My First Knife Fight,” to be released under its Playskool brand aimed at toddlers.
“Raise your kids right with My First Knife Fight!” says the voiceover in a new commercial for the product. “As everyone knows, all sweet and innocent children love to stab each other in a good old-fashioned knife fight. Make sure your kids have a leg up on the competition with our premium playset — you don’t want your innocent little baby on the wrong side of a butterfly knife!”
“Get My First Knife Fight today, wherever great toys for sweet precious little babies are sold!”
According to Hasbro, the playset is already wildly popular and has caused no actual violence, just innocent kids stabbing each other on playgrounds a lot “in good clean knife fighting fun.”