Democrats Insist That True Vaccines Haven’t Been Tried Yet

WASHINGTON, D.C.—As the public grows increasingly skeptical of the safety and effectiveness of vaccines, Democrats are pushing back by informing the public that true vaccines haven’t been tried yet.

“I know that fully vaccinated people are still catching and transmitting COVID, but that’s only because those first few vaccines weren’t TRUE vaccines. True COVID vaccines have never been tried,” explained a dancing AOC in her latest TikTok video. “The first 2 or 3 doses didn’t really count. We need everyone to take more boosters for the vaccines to actually be effective. That’s just science!”

In a statement from a local Coldstone Creamery, President Joe Biden agreed, saying: “Look, here’s the deal. I would never lie to you nor would I forsake you. These vaccines are gencruztrerotic. At least that’s what they tell me. Come on, man, it’s trelblishnocent!”

Beloved infectious disease expert Dr. Anthony Fauci also confirms that Democratic messaging is scientifically accurate. When asked by CNN’s Anderson Cooper if people should continue to take booster shots for a vaccine that isn’t a vaccine, Dr. Fauci replied, “You know that’s a great question, but it’s just too soon to tell if a vaccine is a vaccine until it doesn’t work. So, I’m going to have to say that we need to keep jabbing and keep masking until something works. That’s science.”

Though Republicans have been critical of this new democratic messaging, they aren’t taking action against their political opposition. “We’re all just coasting at this point,” said Sen. Mitch McConnel.