From The Babylon Bee:
OTTAWA—The popular fundraising site GoFundMe has frozen funds for a local 5-year-old’s heart surgery after it was discovered that the boy was a supporter of the Canadian Trucker Protest.
“Make no mistake, we will never provide support to Nazis or Nazi-adjacent people like Canadian Truckers who want freedom from forced vaccination,” said GoFundMe CEO Ted Gerbaguman. “Once we determined that little Timmy was providing vocal support to his truck-driving Dad who won’t get vaccinated but wants his job back, we froze the funds right away. It’s the right thing to do.”
The site has notified 823 donors who raised $32,000 that their funds will now be donated to Planned Parenthood and Black Lives Matter unless they appear in person at the GoFundMe headquarters to fill out a 100-page form requesting their money back.
“As long as you fill out the form and promise to forever support approved progressive causes, you can have your money back! We’re nice like that,” said Gerbaguman. “To make things simpler, we will soon be unveiling a drop-down menu that will provide a list of approved Communist people and causes to support.”
Timmy will now get in line in hopes of receiving heart surgery from Canada’s nationalized healthcare system in 10-15 years.
Black Lives Matter Founder Patrisse Khan-Cullors said she’s looking forward to purchasing a seventh mansion with the funds.
STRAIGHT LINE LOGIC 