In Response To Shooting Charges, Alec Baldwin Pleads Democrat

From The Babylon Bee:

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NEW YORK, NY — In response to an involuntary manslaughter charge stemming from a tragic shooting on the set of the movie Rust, Alec Baldwin’s attorneys have announced that their client plans to enter a plea of “Democrat.”

“Yes, my client did discharge a firearm that killed one person and injured another, but he is, after all, a Democrat,” said a representative for the defense counsel. “Surely a valiant Left-wing hero like Alec, who has championed Democrat policies his whole life, deserves a second chance. We have full confidence the jury will see this and make the right decision.”

Sources familiar with the case confirmed that Baldwin is, in fact, an important Democrat, which could make him immune from conviction in a state like New York.

“These charges should be dropped immediately. He’s a Democrat, for goodness sake!” said legal expert Lamden O’Tool. “Did you see how many charges against Andrew Cuomo were dropped? That’s right–ALL of them. Besides, have you seen Alec Baldwin’s Trump impression? GENIUS! Come on people, have some humanity!”

At publishing time, Baldwin’s defense team had made a motion to dismiss the case on the basis that he’s also a very important movie star.

3 responses to “In Response To Shooting Charges, Alec Baldwin Pleads Democrat

  1. They shouldn’t lock up the master thespian with all of these false flags shootings going on.
    He is needed in Kalifornia.


  2. It’s the Bee, so they’re entitled to their fun, and Baldwin’s stored up enough karma in bloviating about guns to last three lifetimes.

    But unfortunately, comedy has to be true to be funny, and the truth is that the only culprits in the Rust shooting were incompetent criminally negligent Prop Tart Hannah Guttierez-Reed, and her bumbling assistant, A.D. Dave Halls, the latter of whom copped a plea for felony criminal negligence leading to manslaughter, in exchange for six months’ probation, which makes even the Los Angeles D. A.’s soft-on-crime pleas look draconian.

    Baldwin was guilty solely of holding what was supposed to be a non-weapon loaded with non-ammo while rehearsing a scene, and those two jackholes handed him anything but.

    He’s still (and always will be) a five-star jackhole, but indicting him for what happened on that set is like going after the flight attendant when the plane crashes. Hall’s guilty plea bargain may even constitute grounds for dismissal of charges against Baldwin before it even gets to trial.

    The Bee should focus their laser wit on the incompetent Albuquerque D.A. who took 15 months to figure out the primary weapon handler on set might have some culpability for bringing a live gun loaded with live bullets to a movie set (which everyone in Hollywood knew was almost unquestionably her sole fault in about 0.2 seconds) along with violating dozens of other basic safety rules, and giving away a wrist slap to the guy who should have been the only other co-defendant (for failing to check the prop gun and rounds properly beforehand), just to go after the actor guilty of doing nothing but his job.

    Baldwin’s a dislikeable and pretentious schmuck, but despite everyone’s fondest wishes, not the guilty party here. Time will tell if NM jurisprudence means going with feels over facts, but most of the right is doing the same victim’s blood-dancing over this case they deride the Leftards for doing after every mass shooting.

    It isn’t a flattering look.


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