Pfizer Pleased To Announce Their New Vaccine 90% Effective Against New Virus They Created

From The Babylon Bee:

Article Image

NEW YORK, NY — Pfizer Inc. dropped their new COVID variant and accompanying vaccine Thursday at midnight, much to the delight of CDC officials. The new vaccine is reportedly shown to be 90% effective against the COVID variant Pfizer created in their lab.

“First there was the dream, now there is reality,” said Pfizer CEO Albert “Dirty Berty” Bourla from his planet-orbiting space fortress. “They said it couldn’t be done — that it was unethical — but we showed them!”

He elaborated, “A new variant is scary. That’s why we wanted to make sure the vaccine was ready to go right away. We had a lot of experience from causing myocarditis and then treating it, which was a big help.”

Pfizer scientists have been working double time to get both products ready for simultaneous release using a process they call “directed evolution.”

“First, we create a new virus variant,” explained Dr. Dumas, Pfizer’s head of bioweaponry. “Then, we get tons of people sick on purpose.”

“Ta-da! Directed evolution!”

Experts suggest Pfizer’s radical approach to virus treatment may be tantamount to an abusive relationship, but that’s okay because we probably deserve it.

“I’d suggest we investigate this immediately,” said Congresswoman AOC. “But I don’t want to burn any bridges. I might have to get a job there someday.”

According to sources, doctors across the nation are looking to boost their business with similar attempts at Directed Evolution. “First I break their kneecaps, and then I bandage them up. Medicine!” said one Detroit doctor.


2 responses to “Pfizer Pleased To Announce Their New Vaccine 90% Effective Against New Virus They Created

  1. Increased Dependence On Pharmakeia

    How about a huge Pfizer logo on all sportsball fields and a new American flag to go along with it.
    A new pledge of allegiance to our benevolent Big Pharm overlords.
    Money with the logo on it, tooth brushes, butt plugs, the possibilities are endless.


  2. “Reportedly ” is the key word. A blanket word that really means …Nothing!!! It’s the diaper Pfizer uses to con us into believing this is fact when it’s really fiction rolled up in bullshit to make the masses comfortable as the bs is pushed into our arms. I’m not buyin’ it! Oh I lied, I never did!😡


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.