Biden Assures Americans Their Bank Deposits Are Safe In Ukraine

From The Babylon Bee

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WASHINGTON, D.C. — Amid the monumental collapse of several banks over the last few days and broader fears that the banking system is no longer safe, President Biden made a statement to assure Americans that all their bank deposits are perfectly safe in Ukraine.

“Folks don’t worry. Due to the decisive actions of this administration, everyone’s money is safe in Ukraine,” said Biden. “I withdrew all the money and shipped it over there last night myself! My son Hunter personally supervised the transfer! That’s leadership! I’m sure the Ukrainians will put your money to good use by buying bazookas and paying the pensions of government officials. I will take no questions at this time.”

Biden then did an about-face and spent 15 minutes trying to walk out of the room as he couldn’t find the door.

Americans are being assured to wait until the war in Ukraine is over and they pay us back before making any large withdrawals.

At publishing time, 12 more banks had collapsed during Biden’s speech.


3 responses to “Biden Assures Americans Their Bank Deposits Are Safe In Ukraine

  1. Now get to work you taxable unit serfs, there are bank bailouts that you must pay for. (honk!)
    No New Civility for deplorable kulak untermenschen vermin scum shirkers and there will be struggle sessions for some.
    Forward to the egalitarian workers utopia, yes we can!


  2. As Stephen Colbert said, “Your bank deposits are safe. What DOES that mean?”


  3. Who dares to mock SuperJoe Biden? He has powers
    mere humans cannot fathom.


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