From The Babylon Bee:
KYIV — President Volodymyr Zelensky breathed a sigh of relief Monday after learning an attempted coup in Russia had failed, all but guaranteeing that war with Russia would continue, possibly forever.
“That was a close one,” Zelensky sighed. “I mean — oh, that Russia! They’re so bad! If only we had another 5 billion dollars! That’d show ’em!”
According to sources, Zelensky e-mailed Russian President Vladimir Putin shortly after learning the latter would remain in power. “Don’t scare me like that,” Zelensky wrote. “I need you.”
“I’ve always needed you. You complete me.”
Pentagon officials are reportedly unsure how to feel about the news. “It’s great for our bottom line,” said General Rancho Ricardo. “But I mean, Russia bad and all that, you know?”
In spite of the terrible news that more people would inevitably die as a result of Russia’s continued invasion of Ukraine, Zelensky had been spotted laughing gaily while picnicking in Holosiivskyi Park with his family. “I think Putin and I are destined to do this forever,” Zelensky said, smiling. “Please send money.”
The central bank did open during the distraction and all of the WEF wish list will now go live in the ‘Kraine.
The no election during wartime precedent is there as well.
Coming soon to a banana republic near you.
Just watched an interesting Prigozhin video where he says that Russia is ran by a “clan” for their benefit with some more equal than others.
He also said that Azov was traded for Medvedchuk (?) who was due to be installed as a puppet president after infiltrating all the way to Kiev.
It ends with a story of a liberated champagne factory that was dismantled and sent back to Russia with two truckloads being redistributed to Ukrainian women before the dismantling.