From The Babylon Bee:
U.S. — Following the revelation that a deadly parasite was once removed from his skull, political experts were shocked to learn that the dead worm found in Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.’s brain was already polling higher than Joe Biden in 11 states.
The latest poll results indicated a large portion of the electorate had abandoned Biden in favor of the deceased parasite that had previously been lodged in RFK Jr.’s brain, leaving the White House scrambling to formulate a strategy to combat the dead worm.
“We weren’t expecting to see numbers like these,” said one high-ranking Biden campaign strategist under the condition of anonymity. “We considered the fact that Joe would struggle up against living competition, but seeing him fall behind a worm that isn’t even alive is a huge red flag. We’re really fighting an uphill battle here. And, from what I’ve heard, you never want to fight uphill.”
“Shut Up, Be Happy”
(by Jello Biafra)
We interrupt this program with a special bulletin:
America is now under martial law.
All constitutional rights have been suspended.
Stay in your homes.
Do not attempt to contact love ones, insurance agents or attorneys.
Shut up.
Do not attempt to think or depression may occur.
Stay in your homes.
Curfew is at 7 PM sharp after work.
Anyone caught outside the gates of their subdivision sector after curfew
will be shot.
Remain calm, do not panic.
Your neighborhood watch officer will be by to collect urine samples in
the morning.
Anyone caught intefering with the collection of urine samples will be
shot.
Stay in your homes, remain calm.
The number one enemy of progress is questions.
National security is more important than individual will.
All sports broadcasts will proceed as normal.
No more than two people may gather anywhere without permission.
Use only the drugs described by your boss or supervisor.
Shut up, be happy.
Obey all orders without question.
The comfort you demanded is now mandatory.
Be happy.
At last everything is done for you.
©±® Jello Biafra, 1989
Reading the articles and the comments on Straight Line Logic make my day brighter!
That’s great!
@ RG, tons of errors at the lyrics page and it is prescribed not described, the background music is Black Sabbath song of same name with thunder and rain, appears on the Ice-T “Iceberg Slim” album.
Breaking:
“The moon is more important than the sun as the moon gives us light at night when it is dark out. The sun only gives us light during the day when it is already light out.”
U.S. Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, 04-23-24