U.S.—Governors across the country have reinstated lockdowns mere weeks after slowly starting to lift them, citing a “concerning spike” in jobs and the economy.
Worried that the increase in jobs, prosperity, and happiness would hurt them in November, they reacted to the economic upturn quickly, shutting down businesses and locking people back in their homes.
“We can’t let this economic spike continue,” said California Governor Gavin Newsom. “That would go against SCIENCE. The SCIENTISTS say that locking down an entire population is the best way to prevent dangerous economic spikes.”
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The governors noticed that people were happier with their lives, glad they could go back to work and reopen their businesses, and having fun outside. Unable to tolerate this kind of freedom and general satisfaction with life in the age of Trump, they scrambled to lock back down.
“We’re seeing a concerning rise in the number of people disregarding the government and going on with their lives,” said Governor Gretchen Whitmer. “If you’re outside enjoying yourself or contributing to the economy, I’ll get you, my pretty! And your seeds too!”