WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Trump, always desiring to be gracious and fair, suggested delaying the election yesterday until the Dems can find a candidate who can form complete, coherent sentences.
“Look, I want this to be fair,” Trump said. “Why don’t we push this thing off six months or so? That will give the Dems plenty of time to try to find someone who can go toe to toe with me. It won’t be easy. There aren’t many. But I’m sure they can find a worthy opponent for me to beat.”
Trump was praised for the graciousness and compassion of the move.
“I disagree with Trump on everything, but this was really nice of him,” said a DNC spokesperson. “We’re going back to the drawing board and trying to find someone who can talk and think and all those qualities you really want in a leader.”
The Democrats did manage to locate a few candidates who can string sentences together, but sadly they were all accused of sexual assault, so Trump agreed to give them another six months.