From The Babylon Bee:
SACRAMENTO, CA—With Californians desperately fleeing the state in search of the American dream, Governor Gavin Newsom is grateful that record-high gas prices have made it nearly impossible to put enough gas in a U-Haul to get out of California.
“Whew! For a minute there, I thought we’d lose everyone!” said Newsom to reporters. “Good luck escaping California now with these gas prices! HAHAHA!”
According to sources, it currently costs $7,827.00 to fill the gas tank of a U-Haul in California. With residents already struggling to survive, many are being forced to put their escape plans on hold. Still, others are undeterred, electing instead to form a migrant caravan to leave the oppressive state on foot.
“We will keep walking until we find freedom in another state,” said Juan Vasquez as he and his family trudged down a desert road carrying possessions on their backs. “Gas prices won’t stop us! FREEEDDOOOMM!”
As California continues to lose residents, Newsom has called for an additional tax on trudging down desert roads while carrying possessions on your back to prevent further escapes.
Floridans, Texans and Tennesseeans thankful as fleeing Californians can no longer reach their states.