Tag Archives: Whole Foods

Sad: No One At Whole Foods Has Yet Received The News That The Pandemic Ended 18 Months Ago

From The Babylon Bee:

GRAND RAPIDS, MI—According to sources, a tragic breakdown in communication has led to thousands of Whole Foods shoppers being completely unaware that the global pandemic ended 18 months ago.

“I wear my mask to protect those around me. Please maintain a six-foot distance. EEEEEEEEEEE!” said local shopper Sable Channing when asked by a local reporter for comment. “Don’t touch my North Face jacket! Please put your mask up around your nose! GET AWAY FROM ME! YOU’RE A GRANDMA KILLER!”

Reports from around the country claim to be finding entire stores full of terrified millenial hipsters still using the social distancing “X” on the floor, donning two or three masks, and wearing fashion scarves all year round for some reason. Shoppers are being warned that any attempt to enter a Whole Foods unmasked could lead to hostile stares or being murdered.

“We have made several attempts to make contact with these out-of-touch primitives, but so far have only been met with primal screeches and thrown heads of cabbage,” said Grand Rapids Police Chief Camden Connors. “We may need more time to practice their language and dialect to reach them.”

At publishing time, experts warned that many Whole Foods shoppers are also unaware that organic food is a scam.

https://babylonbee.com/news/sad-no-one-at-whole-foods-has-yet-received-the-news-that-the-pandemic-ended-18-months-ago

Whole Foods’ Existential Threat? by John McNellis

Is Amazon destroying what made Whole Foods special to its legions of fans? From John McNellis at wolfstreet.com:

“Amazon’s plunge into the $800 billion US grocery industry posed an existential threat to rivals”: CNN, August 2018. So let’s see.

A couple questions remained in the wake of Whole Foods’ announcement last week that it was dropping prices on over five hundred items by twenty percent. Is this Amazon’s long-awaited spring offensive or is the grocer playing defense, treading water, simply trying to keep its market share? Stretched over a broader canvas: Is Amazon truly the existential threat to the grocery business the click-baiters would have you believe?

Before we get to existentialism, let’s consider a smaller question. Was it really a price reduction at all? Maybe not. The New York Times sent a couple reporters to shop their local Whole Foods for a basket of identical items before and after the ballyhooed price reduction. The total post price-cut savings was five cents on a fifty-five dollar purchase. The paper also used a Morgan Stanley study to report that Whole Foods prices are fifteen percent higher than those at a typical supermarket.

Even the kale and quinoa crowd can add, eventually. To keep paying a fifteen percent premium, they need to feel special about themselves and their supermarket. They need to know that their market is buying sustainably, doing business with the little guy, choosing only pesticide-free truck farm vegetables, wild salmon that have never seen a hatchery—let alone a fish farm—and so on.

Continue reading