COLORADO SPRINGS, CO—Saying the turn of events will greatly benefit the 17-year-old’s economic security, sources confirmed Friday that local high school senior Emily Harrison’s failure to get into the University of Southern California, a private academic institution, will be the single most financially responsible act of her entire life. According to reports, Harrison’s rejected application, which she spent weeks preparing in hopes of spending four years at her “dream school,” will save the young student a total of nearly $370,000, including $205,768 in tuition, $3,714 in fees, $57,392 in room and board, and $101,670 in student loan interest payments. The rejection, which led a visibly devastated Harrison to agonize over whether she should have participated in more extracurricular activities or obtained additional letters of recommendation, will reportedly allow her to avoid a period of 10 years or more in which she would have struggled to repay her loans, inevitably racking up credit card debt to cover basic necessities and ultimately leaving her unable to buy a home. Sources said the teen will still face financial disaster if she follows through on her long-term plan to enter a PhD program, which would require her to spend approximately one-fifth of her adult life bringing in little to no income.
Via The Onion via The Burning Platform