In today’s emails:
The Senate Democrats are considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many more Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.
>
> “Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,” said California Sen. Barbara Boxer. “We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability (POI) to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing.”
>
> In a Capitol Hill press conference Nancy Pelosi pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance.
>
> At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons with No Ability (63 percent).
>
> Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million mid-level positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.
>
> Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees.
>
> The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability (POI) into middle-management positions, and give a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.
>
> Finally, the Americans With No Abilities Act contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, “Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?”
>
> “As a non-abled person, I can’t be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,” said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Mich., due to her inability to remember righty tighty, lefty loosey. “This new law should be real good for people like me. I’ll finally have job security.” With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
>
> Said Sen. Dick Durbin, II: “As a senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so.”
Is there any real difference between the apocryphal ADAA and proposals for guaranteed minimum incomes?
Reblogged this on The way I see things … and commented:
Robert’s humor is showing lol
Thanks for the laughs!
as person wih non abilty, i m ., nerverm ./
That’s hysterically funny, I don’t care who you are, That’s funny.
Robert is this yours? Didn’t see an author but it sounds like you. Too funny.
I wish it was but it’s not. My wife saw it on the internet and emailed it to me. I don’t who the author is.
It might have been the onion.
http://www.theonion.com/article/congress-passes-americans-with-no-abilities-act-541
Very similar.
BTW. That article you did a while back with the line ‘Government loves failure because then they can fix it”. A week later It finally sunk in. I spent the next 2 days saying “of course they love failure, of course”. How could it be otherwise.
That might be why the family made a rule at reunions not to tell any jokes after 7 pm. I would lay in bed pondering the punch line and would finally get it and start laughing hysterically after everyone had dozed off.
Government needs to expand, to meet the expanding needs of government.
Pithy and accurate.