From the Babylon Bee:
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Trump has announced his pick for Supreme Court justice: Joe Biden. By nominating Biden, Trump has forced the Dems’ hands, making them believe the sexual assault claims and allegations of inappropriate, creepy behavior against the former vice president.
“We now believe Tara Reade,” said a somber Kamala Harris, “and we will do everything in our power to destroy this man’s life.”
In addition to believing current claims against Joe Biden, Democrats also immediately dug up 417 new accusers against Joe Biden. He has been accused of participating in wild frat parties, drunken keggers, and something called the “Devil’s Triangle,” which Dems say is either a Satanic ritual or code for a sexual practice or “maybe both.”
“It’s clear this man is dangerous and cannot be trusted,” said Nancy Pelosi. “We call on the Senate to turn down his nomination and run him out of public life.”
Biden released a statement, saying, “I just want to go home and see my grandkids again.” His mic was cut off and he was pulled off the stage with a shepherd’s crook.