From The Babylon Bee, sponsored by:
This season, it’s important to focus on the true meaning of Christmas: compliance.
Christmas caroling, once a holiday tradition of family and friends spreading joy and cheer to neighbors and communities, is now illegal, and rightfully so. We are—and will forever be—in the midst of a dangerous pandemic, and nothing spreads lethal viruses more virulently than through friends, family, singing, and joy.
Dismay not! You can still find a sliver of Christmas cheer while isolated in your sanitized home, double-masked and quadruple-vaccinated, by listening to some of these COVID-19 Christmas Carols:
“I’ll Be Vaxxed for Christmas” – A merry, joyful reminder that only the vaxxed are allowed to enjoy Christmas.
“It Came Upon A Mandate Clear” – Sing this beautiful carol and remember your first mandate. Precious memories…
“Baby, There’s COVID Outside” – That’s a billion times worse than it being cold outside!
“Silent Media” – The Wuhan Virology Lab released a virus upon the world… and the media fell reverently silent.
“Do You Fear What I Fear” – If it’s not COVID, you’re killing Grandma.
“What Variant is This?” – Yeah, we lost track too.
“Have Yourself A Lonely Little Christmas” – OR ELSE.
“God Rest Ye Boosted Gentlemen” – The only gentlemen who have a right to rest are the ones who are boosted.
“mRNA In a Manager” – Remember the birth of the savior: mRNA.
“Fauci Baby” – As sung by Brian Stelter.
“Carol of The Bell’s Palsy” – Completely unrelated to the vaccine, Pfizer assures us.
“It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Wuhan” – Unsurprisingly, this carol is illegal in Wuhan.
“Santa Claus Is Staying at Home” – “He sees you defying lockdowns, he knows when you’re not vaxxed, he is not coming anyway, so stay home and wear a mask!”
“All I Want For Christmas Is Ivermectin” – A conservative favorite.
“Jab to the World” – Who needs “joy” when you got that jab?
“Fauci the Vaxman” – Why hasn’t he melted away yet?
“Ave Moderna” – AAAAAVVVEE MO-DERRRRRR-ERRRRR-NAAAAAA
“Have an Omi-Cron-y Christmas” – The hit single of 2021 is raging through the world after its South Africa debut!
“Good King Brandon” – Let’s go Brandon!
“Grandma Got COVID By A Cuomo” – An unsettlingly peppy song.
“Variant Both Meek And Mild” – As pretty much all the variants were…
“Christmas (Baby Please Stay Home)” – We highly recommend the version recorded by The National Karens Choir.
“Mary Did You Know (About the Vaccine Mandate)” – Sometimes a Christian holiday mansplainer is needed to spread the joy of mandates.
“Masked Christmas” – This Christmas pop song will have you singing along in your own muffled, sad way.
“Sanitize The Halls” – “Fa-la-la-la-la-la wash your hands!”
“O Come, O Come, Dr. Fauci” – This old classic choral number sings reverence to our Lord and Savior and director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases.
Jingle Bells, Biden Smells: Fauci laid an egg!
Now sing some carols, and have yourself a safe, socially distanced, vaxxed, masked, remote zoom call little Christmas!