From The Babylon Bee:
WASHINGTON, D.C. — House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has been forced to cancel her planned flight to Taiwan after China announced they have developed deadly surface-to-air vodka-seeking missiles.
“Your politician lady will never get past the awesome might of our XA-12 People’s Liberation Army Martini Maimers!” said CCP General Xu Xian Xong. “We dare you to try! Hahahahaha!”
Pelosi’s team is considering several safer options for her trip, including using Zoom, investing millions in CCP-owned companies in exchange for safe passage, and having her fly below SAM radar on her broomstick.
“I will nobbeee intimidated by Chinese threats,” slurred Pelosi while chugging Tito’s directly from the bottle. “Muh fooshuuuuuu blarmgiddle. Good morning, Sunday morning.”
At publishing time, the CCP also warned Hunter Biden about trying to get past their array of crack-seekers.