Zelensky Gives Impassioned Plea For More U.S. Money While Wearing Fur Coat And Gold Chain

KYIV, UKRAINE — Ukrainian President and American pop culture icon Volodymyr Zelensky made another emotional plea today for additional U.S. funding to help his country’s war efforts against Russia.

Dressed in a full-length fur coat and a fat gold chain with a diamond-encrusted dollar sign, Zelensky made an impassioned request. “We are in dire need of additional financial resources to help us in our struggle against the evil Russian invaders,” Zelensky told the media gathered around him. “It is only through the generosity of the American government that the Ukrainian people will be able to fight back against our oppressors.”

Republican congressional leaders initially questioned the additional funding but quickly changed their minds after the media asked them why they hated Ukrainian children and wanted them to die.

At publishing time, Zelensky was already busy earmarking where the latest wave of U.S. funding would go. “It will be used for very good things. Yes, only to aid us in our righteous cause,” Zelensky said before ordering the crew of his jet to be sure the bottles of Cristal on board were sufficiently chilled before takeoff.