From The Babylon Bee:
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a tense exchange with the press today, President Biden defended himself against charges of corruption and bribery, claiming that a recent $10 million payment to his cat Willow is “totally legitimate” and there’s nothing weird about it at all.
“Listen, folks, it’s none of my business what deals my cat is making around the world. I know nothing about it,” said the President. “Willow is the smartest cat I know, and it doesn’t surprise me to hear that he provided a totally real and legitimate and non-corrupt service to the Romanian government in exchange for millions of dollars which I’m sure was fully deserved and that I’ve never seen. I’m not corrupt. Do you think I’d be President if I was corrupt? Come on, man!”
Sources say the White House press pool let out a collective sigh of relief, happy that their concerns were so decisively laid to rest. “When the President says he did nothing wrong, you have to believe him,” said recent Georgetown grad and White House Correspondent Krissy Persimmons. “That’s just science.”
Journalists were also told not to worry about the $3 million Ukrainian payment to Biden’s dog Major, the $12 million Chinese payment to Dr. Jill, or the dead hooker found in the trunk of Biden’s Corvette.
At publishing time, the White House cat was found dead of a self-inflicted hit-and-run.
STRAIGHT LINE LOGIC 
Just saw a birdcage liner emergency TP NYT headline stating that nothing was found from investigation into the Beijing Brandon crime family.
What a Jedi level reverse outsourcing by CCP/PRC in having a corrupt crime syndicate posing as a political party destroy the former USA.
Only possible in time of Peak Stupidity caused by muh telesecreen.
Smartphone be all like making people smart and stuff.
Darr, derp, drool.
Still some debate about the alleged Einstein quote of a generation of idiots arising from technology but it fits whoever said it.
It will be purple haired Kens/Karens programming the AI and not an Einstein or Socrates.
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