Biden’s Inaugural Address, by Karen Kwiatkowski

Joe Biden’s inaugural address was today, but Karen Kwiatkowski dreamed it up for him beforehand. From Kwiatkowski at

You can watch Biden’s speech, straining through razor wire, views obscured by military helmets and SWAT vans, nervously looking over your shoulder.  Or you can get the highlights here, because I’m pretty sure what he will say.

Fellow Americans,

Kamala and I (and Jill) are so happy to be standing up today to take over the country, I mean, lead the nation.  It’s a great day, and I thank you, and our great military, for being here and making this day possible.  Now, here’s the deal:

You people expected democracy, you people wanted democracy, and you people deserve to have democracy, good and hard.  In case, you are wondering I thought that up myself.

Four score and eight years ago, our forefathers brought forth upon this land a new Federal Reserve, a bank unlike any other, a bank that could make all good things possible. It is this bank that I will utilize to make everything better, for everyone. Now, when I say everyone, I mean everyone who is paying their fair share, and Kamala and Nancy will determine that. Both are very clean women.

Jill and I want you to know that we recognize that our country is divided over some things. We believe that government buildings, especially those here in Washington, are sacred and precious. And if anyone says I’m not religious one more time, I’m going to seriously shove the Constitution up their ass.

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