From The Babylon Bee:
U.S.—”When the pandemic is over and the government lets us stop wearing masks, I’m gonna do so much stuff,” said Carl Landon to a friend recently, as Landon is a hopelessly naive optimist and kind of a gullible moron. “We gave the government all this power without putting up a fight, and they’re definitely gonna give that up now that the virus is going away. I can’t wait to not wear masks and move about the country as I please without the government’s approval. It’s gonna be cool — a real return to how things were before this stuff happened.” The adorably ignorant rube added that he’s going to get the vaccine so that he can go to concerts and theme parks this summer without having to wear a mask or social distance. At publishing time, he had further added that he fully expects the government to stop spending so much money now that the pandemic is over.