Category Archives: Sports

“F**k Joe Biden” Chants Heard Across US College Football Stadiums, by Tyler Durden

College football fans are just failing to understand the noble intentions behind Biden’s failing policies. From Tyler Durden at

Having garnered the most votes of any presidential candidate ever in November, Americans appear to be losing faith in President Biden’s ability to ‘build back better’.

From the embarrassment of his chaotic Afghanistan withdrawal to increasing concerns over his tyrannical plans to ‘control’ the pandemic; and from soaring violent crime to anything-but-transitory food inflation, Americans (both young and old) are seemingly suddenly unafraid to express their dissatisfaction, as from coast to coast, college football stadiums on Saturday were packed with fans chanting “F**k Joe Biden.”

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American Women’s Soccer Team Defeated After Opponents Play U.S. National Anthem During Game Forcing Them To Kneel The Whole Time

From The Babylon Bee:

TOKYO—The U.S. Women’s Soccer Team’s Olympic hopes are once again in jeopardy after opponents came up with a clever way to defeat them: playing the U.S. national anthem during every game so that the women have to kneel the entire time.

It’s a move many are calling the “greatest 4D chess move of all time.” Some are even saying it’s the most important strategy developed in soccer since the kick was invented. Many are hopeful it will even get Americans interested in watching soccer again.

“It’s a genius strategy,” said one commentator as a singer on the sidelines began singing, “O say can you see, by the dawn’s early light” over the stadium’s sound system. Megan Rapinoe was going to intercept a pass but dutifully took a knee and was forced to turn over the ball to the other team, or however it is that soccer works. “Beautiful play there! It’s going to be tough to see the U.S. women recover from this one!”

“Oooh, and now the singer is going hard into the ‘home of the brave’ stanza, really forcing the U.S. women to stay kneeling. “Wicked brilliant!” (We are told “wicked brilliant” means “cool” or “dope” in British.)

At the end of their first match in which the opposing team employed this tactic, the women lost 27-1, having scored one goal when Rapinoe stood up briefly when the singer ran out of breath.

ESPN Anchor Fired After Being Caught On Mic Actually Talking About Sports

From The Babylon Bee:

BRISTOL, CT—ESPN has been rattled by internal strife after anchor Sage Steele was caught last weekend on a hot mic talking openly about sports.

“We were shocked and saddened by the hateful language Ms. Steele used to describe Chris Paul’s point differential,” said ESPN president James Pitaro. “We have listened to the tape repeatedly, and can confirm no single reference was made to race, gender identity, or politics – nothing but basketball, which we recognize is completely unacceptable. We set high standards for ourselves at ESPN and frankly, we didn’t live up to those standards.”

Ms. Steele was fired from her job as SportsCenter host has been reassigned to cover cornhole and will also be sent to DIE – Diversity, Inclusion, and Equity training. There, she will be given a sports-themed Rohrschach test and be asked to describe what oppression she sees in each sports ball. 

“I am so sorry for talking about sports,” said a glassy-eyed Ms. Steele. “We here at ESPN are committed to preaching the gospel of Disney, and occasionally explaining why sports are evil. Nothing we do should have any entertainment value whatsoever, and I deeply apologize for my behavior.”

Stephen A. Smith covered the issue on his show by starting off speaking very deliberately and quietly, then steadily building to a screeching yell. ESPN will continue to be enjoyable only for the game where viewers try to press buttons fast enough to keep Mr. Smith’s voice at a constant volume.

Baseball Blew It: MLB’s Decision to Move All-Star Game Looks Worse Every Day, by PF Whalen

Moving a ball game because you don’t like a locale’s voting laws looked dumb when it was announced and looks even dumber now. From PF Whalen at

Two weeks from today we’ll wake up and the results from the 2021 Major League Baseball All-Star Game will be official. Whether we had stayed up to watch the game ourselves or simply opted to check out some of the highlights on our smart phones while sipping a cup of coffee, we’ll be able to find out if the National League or American League came away victorious. But there is one aspect of the All-Star Game for which we don’t need to wait two weeks for the result. The biggest loser of this year’s All-Star Game will ultimately be Major League Baseball themselves, and that result is guaranteed.

To be fair, the MLB All-Star game has never been must-see TV, even for its’ most ardent fans. After three months of non-stop baseball, many fans find the three-day hiatus to be disappointing and struggle to deal with the withdrawal symptoms that come with the various pennant races shutting down from Monday through Wednesday. But even then, and even with an opportunity to watch all the sport’s best players with one viewing, the game itself is seldom compelling enough to plant lasting memories in our minds.

Try and remember the top moments from the 2019 All-Star Game for instance, and most fans would struggle to cite even one. Indeed, the All-Star Game has always been somewhat of a tough sell, but after MLB’s disastrous missteps with this year’s game – their self-proclaimed ‘Mid-Summer Classic’ – fans’ enthusiasm for MLB in general, and for the All-Star Game in particular, continues to wane.

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DEI and Sports, by Larry Beane

Woke ideology doesn’t work too well in sports. From Larry Beane at

One of the interesting things about hitting the treadmill in the gym is the bank of televisions with closed captioning.  Since I don’t watch the boob tube, I’m not only exercising the body, but getting a glimpse into the alien world of the popular culture.  Sometimes the juxtapositions are telling.

On one channel was an international soccer game between Belgium and Finland.  Another channel had a talk show that was addressing the controversy about biological men competing in women’s sports – in this case, a male powerlifter who is being permitted into competition in the women’s division in the Olympic games.

The token black lady on the panel was yammering on and on about the buzzwords “Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion.”  For the reader of the future – perhaps landing here by means of a Google search – this is a fad of our present day based on the concept known as Critical Theory – which is basically the denigration of one intersection of demographic traits for the supposed benefit of others.  The au courant acceptable hatred in this, the Year of our Lord 2021, pertains to racially being white, sexually being heterosexual and not inventing a pretend sexual identity for oneself (in other words, just being a normal man, woman, boy, or girl), politically conservative, and religiously Christian.  One is also considered to be akin to the lepers in biblical times if one is not handicapped physically or mentally.

If one has all of these markers, it is socially and legally acceptable to treat such persons as the Untouchables in the caste system in India.  And the fewer of these characteristics one has, the greater the worth of that individual.  If you read about “apartheid” in 20th century South Africa, it’s a similar concept, only with the “bottom rail on top” as the old saying goes.

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Female Weightlifter Suffers Tragic Testicle Injury Just Weeks Before Tokyo Olympics

From The Babylon Bee:

WELLINGTON, NEW ZEALAND—100% totally female weightlifter Laurel Hubbard was forced to bid farewell to her Olympic dreams yesterday after a tragic accident left her with a severely lacerated testicle. Hubbard would have been the first transgender woman to compete in the Olympics.

The injury is not life-threatening, but doctors have advised Hubbard that she needs to refrain from heavy lifting for at least six to eight weeks as her injury heals. Obviously, that means Olympic weightlifting is off the table.

Hubbard was something of a controversial figure at this year’s games given that she was born a biological male and competed as a male weightlifter until 2013. Many critics argued that this gave her an unfair advantage compared to female weightlifters, but Hubbard says that’s ridiculous.

“Sure, there are some biological differences like bone density and muscle strength between the sexes,” Hubbard said. “But none of those gives me an unfair advantage in weightlifting, which is really more about finesse and technique!”

Hubbard said while she’s disappointed she won’t be able to live out her Olympic dreams this year, that’s just the way it goes. “Sometimes your testicles get in the way,” Hubbard said. “That’s just something we gals have to deal with.”

LeBron: ‘Me And My Team Have Decided To Boycott The Playoffs In The Name Of Social Justice’

From The Babylon Bee:

LOS ANGELES, CA—After yesterday’s game against the Phoenix Suns, LeBron James suddenly came out and announced he and the Lakers are both boycotting the playoffs in the name of social justice.

“I talked to the guys, and we all agreed: the playoffs are racist and white supremacist, and we won’t be going this year,” James said during a post-game press conference. “I just think it’s really problematic that all these other teams are supporting the playoffs despite my brave stand for social justice.”

“The Lakers are I are making this courageous stand here, and it’s hard to believe so many other teams are participating in the playoffs.”

“But didn’t you guys just, like, get eliminated from the playoffs? How is this a stand for social justice?” asked one reporter. James immediately flopped on the ground and screamed, claiming the reporter had punched him in the face. She was removed from the room by referees.

James then popped back up and clarified that he won’t rule out going next year, should the NBA address all the issues of racism and white supremacy, and also should his team actually make the playoffs.

DeSantis Decides To Allow Biological Men To Compete In Women’s Sports As Long As They Wear High Heels

From The Babylon Bee:

TALLAHASSEE, FL—After receiving some pushback from trans activists on his bill to ban biologically male athletes from women’s sports, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis has relented and decided to allow males to compete with women, as long as they also wear women’s high heels when doing so.

“I think this is a decent compromise,” said DeSantis. “If a dude thinks he’s a woman, it’s only fair that he wear obnoxiously feminine clothes while doing so. Trans-women should be required to wear 5-in stilettos while competing with their fellow women. Come to think of it, we should probably make them dress in full drag as well, so they can fully honor their gender expression.”

Trans activists responded with an uproar, calling the proposal unreasonable.

According to opponents of Desantis’s proposal, some trans-women may struggle to run in high heels in spite of their massive man muscles, due to the fact that some may not be used to walking in high heels. For this reason, they have decided the proposal is unfair.

The bill has passed and millions of Floridians are already purchasing tickets to watch biological men try to run in high-heels.

MLB Umpire Ejects Catcher For Making Multiple Racist Gestures

From The Babylon Bee:

Entire Water Polo Team Drowns Kneeling For National Anthem

From The Babylon Bee: