.—According to sources, Trump is just kicking himself after promising $1000 to every American. According to a new study, 50% of conservatives would give up freedom and fiscal responsibility for much less!
After a survey of Americans who identify as conservative, it was revealed that many people would switch to socialism for less than $500, or maybe even a six-pack of beer and a pizza. It would have to be a good pizza though – like a high-quality Chicago style deep dish and a great craft brew. Freedom isn’t free, after all.
The Trump administration is currently re-drafting its legislation to send pizza coupons and beer tickets to every American adult in exchange for another 1 trillion added to the national debt. Baptists are revolting against this legislation since they allegedly don’t drink beer. In response, the Trump administration will be offering a delicious mess of pottage as an alternative. It will be a good mess of pottage though – like a high-quality stew with organic ingredients from Whole Foods. Yum!